oh man, i totally forgot about this thing that happened that i meant to write about and then didn’t. 

sorry, dudes.

so.  i swear.  i swear a lot.  i mean, to the point that more than one friend has met someone else who swears a lot, and conveyed their lack of offense by saying, “oh that’s nothing.  you should meet my friend dorothy.” 

yeah. 

but.  i am also pretty good about keeping it down in inappropriate situations.  and if i don’t know you very well, i generally gauge the level of cursing by how much you curse.  so if you’re a person with a tame vocabulary, you probably think i am pretty polite.  but if you know me well.  i curse like a fucking sailor. 

on christmas eve, we went on a rafting trip down the whatever river in rotarua, new zealand.  our one guide was super hot.  like, seriously pretty.  and our other guide was hilarious and had a hipster mustache.  on part of the river, we were going over a 7 meter waterfall.  so hot river guide was explaining to us how the whole thing was going to go down.  and pretty much every other sentence ended with the phrase “shaboom.”  as in, “so we’re all going to get down and hold on and then, shaboom.”  shaboom, apparently meaning that it was going to go smoothly and awesomely.  [“if it’s not shaboom and you fall out of the raft, curl into a ball and think of 5 colours of hippopotamus and by the time you’ve thought of 2, you’ll be out of the waterfall.”  i could not make this up if i wanted to.]

right before we were going to go over the waterfall, we were chilling by some rocks, doing prep or whatever.  and hot river guide, is like, “we’re going to do this, this and this and then fucking shaboom.”  and without thinking, i’m like, “yeah!  fucking shaboom.”  it quickly became a favourite phrase amongst my brother, sister. 

well, apparently hot river guide has a problem with swearing in front of the customers.  and hipster mustache called him out on it in the bus on the way back from the river.  swearing in front of the customers meant that hot river guide had to buy all the other guides a round of beers that night.  then hipster mustache is like, “whatever, they didn’t mind.  one of them is from new york and just swore right back at him.”

and i’m sitting there thinking, i didn’t swear at him.  what the fuck is he talking about? 

it didn’t occur to me until the next day, that he was talking about the rest of us repeating “fucking shaboom.”  because i honestly didn’t think of it as swearing because hot river guide said it first.  and to be completely truthful, it didn’t occur to me until my brother pointed out to me that i had said fucking shaboom.  and i may have actually said out loud, “that doesn’t count.  he said it first.” 

yeah. 

my family says i have a problem with swearahol.  and liz hara says she’ll go to cursanon with me.  but i say, i can stop anytime i want.  and besides.  i don’t want to stop.  swearing is one of life’s small joys. 

so yeah.  fucking shaboom.  it’s when things are awesome.  use it.  embrace it.  spread it around like wildfire.  because we all need a little more fucking shaboom in our lives.

also, did i mention that kiwi boys are hot as fuck and super nice?  if being away from new york for even two weeks didn’t make me disturbingly homesick, i’d move there. 

fucking shaboom.